Here are some additional resources that might be helpful –

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I’m going to focus my feedback on what you identified in your letter:
Development of Ideas/Concision
Your level of detail when discussing the various moments here is very high. At times, I think there might be room to make it a bit more concise and cut out some of the details that aren’t entirely necessary. You establish a clear tone and voice which will still be very strong if you cut things down a bit throughout. At times there are moments that feel like tangents without a clear connection to your overall purpose of the narrative.
My favorite technique for concision is to print out the document, pick up a pen, and physically cross out every word, sentence, paragraph, etc. that is not absolutely essential for the success of the paper. You can also do this digitally of course using the strikethrough feature.
Here are some additional resources that might be helpful –
Purdue OWL Conciseness Resources
George Mason Revising Prose for Concision
George Mason Writing Concisely
Repetition
I do see a bit of repetition in this and I think that is something you could work on during revisions.
One technique that works well for me is color-coding.
Start by identifying keywords or phrases or ideas that you are worried might be repetitive
Assign each of those a color
Go through your publish and highlight it accordingly
This will help you to visualize the repetition, making it easier to fix.
Structure/Flow
Right now, it is lacking a bit of direction – an answer to that “so what?” question. I encourage you to spend some more time exploring the key pivotal moments you begin to explain here, or focus in on one or two of them. This reads a bit like a summary of your reading/writing experience rather than a narrative. Maybe look back at the Anzaldua and Tan readings to see how they approached incorporating their lived experiences with their experiences with reading, writing, and language. This might be due to this being an unfinished/rough publish (which is totally okay and expected!), but make sure to spend time workibcing on that during your revisions.

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